Monday, September 15, 2014

3 months | baby


Somehow, my baby is already THREE months old. I know that every mom says that every single month of their child's life, but seriously. How did that happen?

The past several months have been a total blur and I can honestly say that being home with a little baby is the hardest thing I have ever done. I told my husband the other day that while I don't miss work, I do miss how easy those days were. Going into the office, doing my 8 hours, coming home and leaving work at work? SO EASY.

Life with a newborn is challenging. You're exhausted, often feel like a human pacifier if you're breastfeeding, never seem to know what the baby wants, don't really know if you're coming or going most days. It feels like groundhog day and a whirlwind all at once. Plus colic? Terrible. Add in another kiddo to worry about and it's just that much trickier to manage.

Know a pregnant lady or new mom? Or stay/work-at-home mama with littles? Bring her a meal, offer to clean her kitchen/living room/bathrooms, watch her kiddos so she can take a shower or get in a workout or just take a nap. BE KIND. It's tough, tough work.

But also? There are moments it's just the best. Cliche? Maybe. It's true, though, especially when you finally wrangle a toothless smile out of a tiny squishy baby. Or when said baby curls up into you and falls asleep. <3

I haven't done this from the beginning so I'm probably a terrible blogger. However, I figure 3 months is as good a time as any to start recording things, right? Mostly because now I get more than 30 seconds between feedings/diaper changes/fake-out naps.


Three Month Stats--

Weight: She was 6lb, 6oz at her 2-month well baby, so hopefully around 8lb now! (Yes, I have a tiny baby, and yes she eats ALL the time.)

Length: 19.5" at her 2-month well baby, so hopefully a little taller now.

Nicknames: Nugget, Bug, Bean

Sleep: nighttime she usually falls asleep between 8:30 and 9 and sleeps until 2:30-4:30, eats, then sleeps again until 5:30-6:30 depending on when she woke up to nurse. Daytime? She barely naps! (Unfortunately.)

Eating: Exclusively breastfed, 8-12 times a day. Will take the occasional bottle from dad or big sis.

Clothing: Newborn! Even with the fluffy butt she gets from cloth diapers.

Mood: Went through what felt like a never-ending bout of colic, but fingers crossed we're over that hump. She "talks" quite a bit, loves to look around, and is mostly happy but stingy with smiles.

Likes: Blowing bubbles, bedtime massages, her "ocean friends" play mat, the swing, baths (usually)

Dislikes: Being left alone, the carrier and boba wrap (hoping she gets over that!), tummy time, things touching her feet (e.g., footie pajamas)

What I want to remember/Milestones: I want to remember the hard (hard) first days, and the breastfeeding struggles, and the complete exhaustion. I want to remember how hilarious it is that she hates tummy time and kicks herself over when we attempt it. I want to remember the first social smile and the first coo. I want to remember her baby smell and her wobbly head as she tries to hold it up. I want to remember how tiny she is right now, and how it felt to hold her the first time when she was like a little baby bird. I want to remember what it was like to introduce her to my family for the first time in person (nothing like it!).

What I'm looking forward to: Really just watching her grow! She has gotten so much bigger since the day we brought her home, and I can't wait to watch her learn all the things she will in this first year. I'm at the point where I would be going back to work if I hadn't decided to quit, and I can't imagine leaving her all day.  I feel so lucky (and know I am) to be able to stay home with her.

Monday, September 8, 2014

currently | september

writing: baby's birth story (still...almost 3 months later..oops!), new blog posts, comment reply emails

anticipating: baby getting onto a schedule, reaching the end of PiYo, getting back into a real fitness routine, figuring out where we will be moving next

missing: pre-pregnancy/baby sleep, ha! (but having a baby is a million times better)

wearing: pre-pregnancy clothes! mostly. my hips are a bit wider, as are my ribs? but getting there slowly. or else going shopping. ;)

craving: nothing and everything! is that weird? i have to eat constantly for breastfeeding, so right now food is more about sustenance than pleasure necessarily.

What's going on in your neck of the woods?

Monday, September 1, 2014

military life + maintaing a resume

One of the things I've found most challenging about being a military spouse is the moving around and, especially, not knowing what kind of jobs will be available at our next base. When we moved to Japan, I gave up a job I adored knowing that there wouldn't be anything comparable available to me here. 

Luckily, I was able to obtain a job within a few months on the base. Unfortunately, however, this position was a major downgrade for me in terms of income, skill, and type of work. Regardless, my boss was great and my coworkers were, too, so I decided to stick it out just to keep up my resume. 

Fast forward to now, home with a brand new baby and deciding to step back from the office (after childcare costs, it's just not worth it). We'll be PCSing (military term for moving) back to the States in just under 9 months, and preparing for that on top of regular mama duty will be a job in itself. 

However, the reality is that I can't simply put "stay at home mom"/"master mover" on my resume. Well, I suppose I could, but future employers probably wouldn't find it amusing (regardless of how demanding it is!). So I am left, yet again, wondering what I can do to keep my resume current while working around the demands of managing a military family.

Enter Webucator--a website offering both live online classes and self-paced courses in subject matter that is perfect for rounding out a resume, whether or not you are currently working. While I have enrolled in free online classes before and enjoyed learning new things, they weren't always necessarily applicable to the type of work I did or want to do in the future. 

I really like that Webucator offers practical courses like Design, Microsoft applications (a special class is offered monthly, SO handy in any office these days), Photoshop, and many more. You can check out all of their self-paced courses here

The best part about Webucator is that they are big supporters of the military, veterans, and their families. They understand the challenges of maintaining a diverse skill set when you are faced with a demanding job, deployed spouses, running a family, and trying to maintain a career track. They also understand that unemployment rates among veterans are too high, with an estimated 200,000 remaining unemployed this year alone. 

In order to help close this gap, they have decided to give back to veterans and active duty families. Webucator is offering FREE access to all of their self-paced courses simply by using the coupon code VETERANS2014. If you are, or know, a military family--active duty or retired--please be sure to pass along this great opportunity. I'll be signing up for some classes ASAP!

Have you tried online learning? Which Webucator class looks most interesting to you? How have you kept up your "employability" while stepping back from the work force? 

(Webucator reached out to me regarding their military family support, and all opinions are my own. No compensation was provided in return for sharing about their services.)

Friday, August 8, 2014

on going back to work

Baby Girl is now 8 weeks old and I am finally starting to feel a bit more "normal"--well, my new normal that is. The babe went through a fussy/clingy phase all last week, but has been totally awesome this week (hence a bit of time for blogging).  I have loved being home with her and have spent a lot of time contemplating whether or not I was going to return to work. 

Before she was born I kept telling people I didn't know if I would come back after she arrived. I did know that it would be impossible to really decide before I met her and got my introduction to parenting a newborn (hello, sleep deprivation!). 

Her premature arrival all but sealed the deal for me. She was so, so tiny--only 4lb 1oz the day we brought her home. There was so much nervousness around her lung development, the heart murmur, the sacral dimple, and the fact that we were now parents of a newborn who seemed much more like a little baby bird than baby person. Surprising to perhaps no one, it is WAY different from being parents to a soon-to-be second grader!

Two weeks ago, when I was visiting  my office for a farewell luncheon, my boss pulled me aside and asked if I was coming back to work. Still, even then, I was on the fence but I think I already knew in my heart what I was going to do (and, if I'm honest, probably before the babe was even born). This week, I gave him final notice that I will not be returning. 

There were a lot of factors that went into the decision:

Money. It's nice getting extra cash in our bank account every month, but what will the true amount be after paying for another kiddo in daycare? If I went back to work full time, daycare costs just for the baby would be over half of a paycheck (a full paycheck for both kiddos). If I went back part-time, daycare would cost the same and end up being more than I actually brought home. 

Time. Working full-time meant 50+ hours away from the baby every week. Our evenings were already packed last school year with homework, housework, trying to squeeze in workouts, and find a few minutes of downtime in the evening. There didn't seem to be any wiggle room for a new baby, too. Obviously, something would have to give. 

Personal fulfillment. A big factor for me was, do I feel fulfilled by my job? Honestly, as my pregnancy progressed, that answer kept leaning more and more toward no. There were a number of things that contributed to this, but the summary of them all were major changes at the office and my job changing in such a way that I simply was not happy anymore. I worked crazy hours at the end of my pregnancy--which my husband is convinced contributed to pre-term labor--and I knew that I could no longer be that person with a new baby. Everyone I work with is great, but the work itself no longer made me feel good. If I'm going to miss out on time as a mama, then the trade off must be worth it. 

Emotions. This was the biggest one for me in the end. When I look at my tiny girl, especially in the beginning, I couldn't imagine anyone else caring for her the way I do. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her all day every day, then trying to divide attention between her, her sister, my husband, and life in the remaining few hours. Without family nearby, I just didn't feel there was anyone I could trust with her that wouldn't totally break my heart every day.

So, for now, I am shifting gears. After going through my "I've always worked!" existential crisis when I moved to Japan, it's much easier this time around. Priority one for now is trying to be the best mama I can be and enjoying the little moments that I would miss being at the office. The first year is so fascinating, and goes so quickly, and I really want to remember it all. My second priority will be finalizing my grad school plans. I need to study for the GRE and either make time to take it in Tokyo or take it as soon as we get to our next base. I also need to find a program that interests me, will further my career goals and give me more potential opportunities, and is flexible enough to work with our military life. It might be tough, but I know it's possible if I look hard enough. 

I definitely see myself going back to work. Maybe as soon as we leave here, or maybe in a couple years after I focus on school full-time. At the end of the day, this is a season, and one I know will pass all too quickly.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

17 days!

Somehow, I have a 17 day old baby already! And, I'm still working on actually getting her birth story written. (Oops!) I was definitely not prepared for these newborn days, especially with the whirlwind of a preemie on top of it! I am totally exhausted, and my days are currently filled with what seems like nothing but baby, breasts, and diaper changes, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. This experience is an absolute gift and I do not take that for granted. I know that this season is so, so short and that it will pass all too quickly. I spend most of the day just staring at our precious miracle baby and wondering how I got so lucky to be her mama.

The past couple of weeks have been a blur, which I chalk up to the newborn "daze." (Originally, I'd told Hubs to save his paternity leave for later, but I'm so glad he took it now!) Baby and I spent 5 days in the hospital, and after getting discharged we have had a bunch of follow up appointments (plus Hubs has been running around doing a million things paperwork-wise). Before leaving, the pediatrician told me that a heart murmur popped up during the latest exam and she has a dimple on her back that, in rare cases, can indicate issues with the spinal cord. We were referred to the big hospital about an hour away (Japanese hospital, mind you!) and were stressing every day until the appointment. (Note: during this time we also had to watch her breathing like hawks due to her preemie lungs.) The pediatrician also told me that she might need to be sedated for the heart check, which nearly made my own heart stop.

Naturally, once we got to the hospital and met up with our translator, she finds out that the base hospital never finished the process to confirm our appointment. So we didn't have one. Luckily, though, the doctor squeezed us in between other patients. While it took about 2 hours longer than it should have, we were just glad not to have to go home having wasted half the day. After being a total rock star for her first echocardiogram (no sedation needed!), the good news was that the hole is tiny, is the most common "defect," and will likely close up on its own. If it doesn't close, she shouldn't have any health problems from it and it will not require any surgery or treatment.

The next major appointment was an ultrasound on her back to check out the sacral dimple. The pediatrician said it can sometimes mean that the spinal cord did not seal off properly in utero. Not at all scary, right? Luckily that appointment was on base, super quick, and the radiologist was there so he could give me the results immediately. Everything on the inside looks great! I was so relieved, because just seeing my tiny girl on the giant grown-up sized table made me emotional.

All in all, our sweet babe is trucking right along. She's in preemie diapers right now and will probably be in newborn ones for some time. Eventually I plan to transition to cloth, but at this moment she is simply too little. As of her two-week check-up she finally (just) surpassed her birth weight and got up to 4lbs and 7oz (she was 4lbs 6.6oz at birth and 4lbs 1oz at discharge). Breastfeeding has been a bit of a challenge for us, but we are continuing to work on it, and may end up supplementing formula for a little while as we wait for my supply to (hopefully) catch up to her appetite. I am thinking having a preemie might have thrown my body for a loop, so I'm keeping fingers crossed everything works out. Our house is a crazy wreck of tiny baby clothes and accessories, but we are loving every second we have with just the three of us at home (Big Sis is stateside for summer, and Hubs is back to work on Monday, then my family arrives on Friday). I still feel sort of in shock that I'm not still pregnant--I should be 38 weeks today--but I am truly soaking up every minute of this baby journey.
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